Perhaps looking back can help you. In fact you may need it. When did you decide to not give a damn about anything? Studies, friends, family, feelings. When did your values change? You became what you never wanted to be. Remember how you were? Cheerful, fun, willing to take on the world and nobody could stop you. Where is your willpower girl? You dropped it by the way, so you'll have to go back for it, whatever it cost you.
I know you can. And everything you need now is yourself.